A-14 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE

Pride Guide 1999

DANCIN'

in the streets

sunday

JULY 18,1999

(1-10:00 p.m.)

CLEVELAND

featuring national DJ

• Julian Marsh•

AIDS

Donation $20. at the gate, $15. before day of event. Tickets are available at the AIDS Taskforce of Greater Cleveland or may be purchased at bar nights in the upcoming weeks. To purchase tickets or for information regarding the event call the AIDS Taskforce at 216.621.0766 (ext. 103). Dancin' will be held on Mall B located between Lakeside and St. Clair Aves. (just west of the Cleveland Convention Center). All proceeds benefit the AIDS Taskforce of Greater Cleveland which provides AIDS prevention, education and outreach services. Please bring one nonperishable food item for donation the day of the event. No bottles, cans or coolers. Proper 1.D. is required.

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take

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TASKFORCE

street s.

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PRIDE MONTH ALL FLAGS & WINDSOX

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VISIT US AT OUR BOOTH

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11424 LORAIN AVE@W.115TH ST 11AM TO 10PM DAILY,

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www.body-language.com

Fathers

Continued from page 14

I wanted to feel about Jordan the way I would feel for my other son. For Jordan, happiness would be finding someone he could love, albeit male. I had to give up my own prejudices in order to do that."

Fifteen years have passed since Jordan came out to his family. Steve Schildcrout is in what he calls the "final stage," which involves advocacy and "pro-active" support of his son. He and his wife are co-presidents of the Youngstown chapter of P-FLAG.

"I'm glad it all happened," Schildcrout said. "It has turned my life around for the best. I have a better understanding of my child, people in general, and myself. There is no excuse for ignorance these days. Gays and lesbians are all among us. We must be happy about the diversity of society. We are for what we see as the real family values, keeping families together, and accepting and loving our children for who they are." Robert Daroff and son Rob

Dr. Robert Daroff, chief of staff at University Hospitals in Cleveland, never considered his son might be gay.

"He was very athletic, he dated, and got along well with everyone," said Daroff, remembering his son, Rob Daroff, as an adolescent. Rob is now a 35-year-old psychiatrist, living in San Francisco. He runs a psychiatric outpatient clinic at a veteran's hospital.

In his early teens, Rob came out to his mother, then to his father later that same evening.

"My reaction was to send him to a psychiatrist," Daroff said. “I did this because another psychiatrist, whom I knew, told me that at that age they can't really tell. Luckily, I sent him to a good psychiatrist, who didn't try to change him, but helped him accept his sexual orientation."

The Daroffs moved to Cleveland in 1980. Rob enrolled at Kenyon College in Gambier, Ohio. However, Kenyon did not have the right type of ambience in which to come out, so Rob transferred to Case Western Reserve University.

Rob came out while at Case Western, and formed the college's first gay and lesbian student group. When he went on to become part of the medical school, he was very active in a group for gay and lesbian medical students.

Daroff's wife, Jane Daroff, founded Cleveland P-FLAG in July, 1985. Prior to this time, Rob and his mother would drive to P-FLAG in Akron. Rob hounded his mother to start a group closer to home, and she agreed to do so, after she finished working on her master's degree in social work.

Daroff describes himself as "directive." "I am not very good at allowing a person to slowly go through his or her own process," he admitted.

Consequently, Daroff has found his niche in attending regional and national level P-FLAG meetings and hosting P-FLAG parties. He is also and active member of the Human Rights Campaign. Daroff believes his involvement with the Human Rights Campaign and P-FLAG was truly the best decision for the whole family. He no longer feels it is necessary to keep Rob's sexual orientation a secret within a close-knit group of friends and relatives. He and his wife, through their advocacy for their son, have also come

out.

Jim Wilger and son Steve

Jim Wilger, of Dayton, works in the aerospace business. He and his wife, Ann, who is regional director for P-FLAG, have four children: three daughters, and their son Steve, who is gay.

Wilger found out his son was gay while Steve was a sophomore at Marquette University in Milwaukee. Steve wrote a letter to his mother, coming out to her, and asking her to please relay this bit of information to his father. His mother refused and made Steve write his father directly.

"I was shocked and distraught," said Wilger. He said he believed that "clearly. Steven is confused."

Wilger reacted to his son's letter by leaving work at noon the day after he received it and driving straight to Milwaukee. He wanted

to "talk this whole thing out" with his son. Wilger laughingly recalls the conversation he had with his son upon arriving.

"I told Steve, 'Maybe you haven't found the right girl yet'," he said.

Steve assured his father that he had already tried that, with no success.

Wilger admits to having all the common misconceptions. He asked his son if he had somehow been molested, or lured into the situation. Steve assured his father that nothing had happened to him.

"We talked more in a day and a half then we ever had," Wilger said. "We had not been estranged, but the conversations in our relationship were somewhat superficial. We had not, until this time, really talked about the gut issues. It really was a big plus. Clearly, Steve's coming out was a catalyst in improving our relationship."

Steve sent his father home with a couple of

"I told Steve: Maybe you haven't found the right girl yet."

books to read. Wilger remembers being particularly apprehensive as to how the news about Steve being gay would affect his two sons-in-law, who, at the time were both newlyweds.

"I was worried that Steve would not be accepted by them. So I wrote them both letters," Wilger said. "I made copied pages from the books that Steve had given me, and I attached them, as appendages, to the letter. One of my sons-in-law called the day he received the letter and said, 'No big deal.' My other son-in-law is accepting, but would just as soon not talk about it."

Wilger emphasized a point all three fathers made: Coming out is a continual process, both for their gay children, and for the parents themselves.

"We are always meeting new people, making new friends and acquaintances. I have never had a distasteful experience," Wilger said

Wilger's wife encouraged his attendance at P-FLAG. This was the early 1990s and according to Wilger, Dayton P-FLAG was very small. "Perhaps six or eight people. There was an equal mix of gays and lesbians and straight parents. They dealt specifically with crisis."

Today there are approximately 60 people attending the Dayton meeting. Although there are still crises to be dealt with, the long-term members are there to help.

Another portion of the group is involved with education and advocacy programs. This is where Wilger has found his niche.

"I was an intermittent attendee for several years, until my son came home," Wilger said. "Having him at home recharged my batteries. I'm involved heavily with the issues of justice. I talk with my son about his work environment. I'm concerned about housing issues. In addition, I've met a few young men in Dayton that have been beaten up for being gay and have learned that the police response is less than might be expected if I were the one beaten."

These issues of justice have caused Wilger to become involved on several levels within his community. He and his wife, both Catholics, are members of the Concerned Catholics for Gay and Lesbian Inclusion.

Ending the interview with a very personal story, Wilger said, "My son told me that during the time he was in high school, he had, at one point, considered taking his life. He was alone and had no one to talk to, not his counselor, the parish priest, not even me. This realization encouraged me to get involved."

Jim and Ann Wilger attended the National P-FLAG meeting in February, and have already made their reservations for the meeting Washington D.C. in 2000. Steve, now 29 years old, lives in Royal Oak, Michigan.

"More people need to come out," Wilger added. "Society need to realize that gay and lesbian people are everywhere. They are teachers, architects, street-cleaners. neighbors, family members."